I... am a lazy blogger. so its not surprising to see very little posts. XD everyone knows that, don't they?
i want to say it. but i do not want to upset myself...
my beloved ahma passed away exactly a week ago, on March the 26th.
She passed away at about 1.41pm, that was the time i was gallivanting away in school during the math lesson.
Relief teacher, Mr Tan was teaching us something about "transformation".
Never did i know ahma had just passed away...
I was only informed later at night, around 8pm.
Da-gu called me and said she wanted to speak to mom.
okay, this wasn't a good sign.
Why'd she want to speak to my mum for?
I asked, "ah ma 是不是发生什么事？"
Then she replied me, "ah ma 今天中午死了。"
I was so devastated by the news.
How could ahma just die on me like that???
I really feel a whole lot of regret for not visiting her although i had some time to see her in the hospital while she was still in coma.
I know many people don't get very sad over their grandparents' deaths
as they aren't very close to their grandparents.
but for me, it was a total different situation..
i grew up in ahma's house.
she took care of me and loved me with all her heart.
oh gosh. im going to cry again.... ok i won't.
i remember when i was in primary school,
i would request for her to buy for me nasi lemak from the market
she visited daily.
she had loads of friends from the market.
and with her gone now, ah gong will be so lonely.
and the whole house will feel like an empty bungalow.
the most pitiful person now would be ah gong.
he has just lost a wife and a lifelong companion.
ahma had went through all odds with ahgong all her life.
and i admire her for that.
now my goal towards this family would be to learn to speak teochew
so i can communicate well with ah gong and understand what he's
trying to say to me.
anyway, back to last wednesday.
i just broke down upon hearing the news.
Mom was in the toilet having her bath then.
yvonne also broke down upon hearing the news.
daniel hasn't any reaction. too young to understand...
i called jessie up and she comforted me
and just listened to me cry..
thank you jessie for being such a good friend.
and also to liping!
and thanks to all who sent condolence messages to me via sms!
i really do appreciate it.
i informed them that i would be skipping school the next day to go to the wake.
then the next day arrived.. 27/March/2008
i left the house at around 10++am.
it was a long ride there.
i took a bus, then the mrt, then the bus, then a cab..
finally, to ahma's house.
da-gu was there.
she brought me to ah gong to greet him first.
i greeted him and proceeded to look at ahma's body in the coffin.
ahma looked serene and peaceful.
but the first time i looked at her, i broke into sobs
and covered my face.
da-gu was standing beside me and called me, "乖"
i went to bow three times to ahma and sat down at the black couch.
er-gu came and hugged me and told me not to cry.
she told me a lot of comforting words.
i felt a lot better..
then i spent the day folding the silver and golden paper,
they were supposed to look like ingots. but in a different way.
then finally after a long time of folding,
shaoqi arrived.
he came to offer help to help me fold it.
jiaming and jiawei came soon after.
jiaming helped too..
later at night, we had our dinner.
and da-gu taught me to fold the more complicated ingots.
my mom turned up with my sis and bro at around 7.45?
we left at about 9pm for home.
then came the next day. 28/March/2008
i had to go to school. mom told me to.
i was constantly thinking of ahma
and a couple of times dropped tears in class.
i felt that it was a long day.
jessie and jielin went to the wake with me after school.
mom took the day off to fetch us to ahma's house.
we were supposed to have prayers at 3pm.
jessie and jielin left shortly after...
they also helped to fold some simple ingots too.
after that, at about 4.30,
the prayers started..
we wore some special clothings.
meant for the people related to the deceased.
i wore something close looking to my uniform.
just that it was long pants.
and a triangle hat.
and then there were a lot of noise and prayers.
i cried near the ending.
it ended at a late timing like 11pm+
before the ending, we had to ask ah ma to "cross the bridge"
i cried when i did so.
we also had to cross the bridge, a few times.
for the very last time we crossed the bridge,
we had to say, "Ah Ma, guo qiao"
really really sad.
ahma was gg to leave me forever.
but i know that she will be at someplace peaceful.
and there would no longer be pain..
all the priests and all family members headed down the long road.
as there was a big area where they could burn the paper house,
ingots (yuan bao), and car for ahma.
i intended to stay on that night but didn't.
and went home instead.
saturday. 30/March/2008
left for ahma's house via a shorter route this time.
i took 165 opp my sch to mount alvernia hospital,
transferred bus to 157 and then alighted at toh yi drive.
and took a cabby in to ahma's quiet bungalow, as it was really deep in..
some aunties of mine were already there eating their lunch.
i changed my attire to the white tee shirt. and pinned the white patch.
it was warm that day.
then i went to read my book on the small couch.
shortly after, i fell asleep.
cried every now and then...
then, i heard some noise,
the older cousins arrived..
then sis and bro arrived shortly after.
i sat there.
mom bought apple strudel for us to eat.
then soon..
dinner time again!
we seem to have fish for dinner every night.
of course with other food luh.
we had some prayers also.
then we stayed up till late.
as it was the last night,
all the aunties and uncles helped to take down the
many quilts sent by many well-wishers.
normally, we would only see 2-3 quilts from well-wishers.
but we received about 30 quilts.
i helped to tear a bit of the words out.
then folded the quilt.
i think some were being donated..
then also, i helped to take down the laminated A4 condolences message from all
the wreaths. there were about 40 wreaths bah.
we went to sleep at about 1.45am.
sunday morning. burial day. 31/march/2008
woke up at around 8am in the morning.
had breakfast. some bought by san-gu.
and didn't know what to do..
took good looks at ahma that few days.
after awhile.
we had to get specially dressed again.
this time, there were a lot of indian workers from ahgong's company who came.
and a lot of stuff happened.
i dunno how to explain...
we were told to see ahma's face for the very very very last time.
all the aunties cried hard.
i cried too..
and then we were told to take a break before leaving for the cemetery.
i went to rest at the two-seater couch.
and i broke down into sobs.
i couldn't take it anymore. i really felt sad.
i love ah ma so much.
ah quan came to comfort me and told me to control myself.
and do not let ahgong hear me cry.
if not he will be very sad...
i controlled myself but silently dropped tears.
after a while, we were supposed to kneel down directly outside the bungalow's gate.
the indian workers were gg to lift the coffin
and we were gg to head for the choa chu kang cemetery now.
and then we started to walk.
all the aunties cried again..
i started sobbing again.
till the part where we stopped at the community centre's entrance.
ahma's coffin was to be placed in the colourful lorry.
oldest uncle went in the lorry with ahma's coffin.
we went up the buses.
and took the long ride to choa chu kang.
ahma's spot was deep inside the cemetery.
i saw lots of people burning papers and stuff for the dead.
we did lots of stuff.
ahma was finally put to rest in the hole.
we left although the burial haven't finished.
we left for ahma's house.
i told myself to be strong..
and that ahma feels no pain now!
had lunch at ahma's house and then left for home shortly after.
when i reached home,
i slept as i was really tired.
till night...
i was still thinking of ahma..
today, i have slightly gotten over her death.
and want to get on with life.
but i will never forget the wonderful ahma i had in my life.
she is caring, devoted and friendly woman.
and will be blessed with an eternal life.
ahma, you will be remembered dearly forever.
i'm waiting for my aunties' news on when we can go visit
ah ma's tombstone together.
hope it is soon. i kinda miss my cousins.
hope to see them soon.
i love you ahma.
She passed away at about 1.41pm, that was the time i was gallivanting away in school during the math lesson.
Relief teacher, Mr Tan was teaching us something about "transformation".
Never did i know ahma had just passed away...
I was only informed later at night, around 8pm.
Da-gu called me and said she wanted to speak to mom.
okay, this wasn't a good sign.
Why'd she want to speak to my mum for?
I asked, "ah ma 是不是发生什么事？"
Then she replied me, "ah ma 今天中午死了。"
I was so devastated by the news.
How could ahma just die on me like that???
I really feel a whole lot of regret for not visiting her although i had some time to see her in the hospital while she was still in coma.
I know many people don't get very sad over their grandparents' deaths
as they aren't very close to their grandparents.
but for me, it was a total different situation..
i grew up in ahma's house.
she took care of me and loved me with all her heart.
oh gosh. im going to cry again.... ok i won't.
i remember when i was in primary school,
i would request for her to buy for me nasi lemak from the market
she visited daily.
she had loads of friends from the market.
and with her gone now, ah gong will be so lonely.
and the whole house will feel like an empty bungalow.
the most pitiful person now would be ah gong.
he has just lost a wife and a lifelong companion.
ahma had went through all odds with ahgong all her life.
and i admire her for that.
now my goal towards this family would be to learn to speak teochew
so i can communicate well with ah gong and understand what he's
trying to say to me.
anyway, back to last wednesday.
i just broke down upon hearing the news.
Mom was in the toilet having her bath then.
yvonne also broke down upon hearing the news.
daniel hasn't any reaction. too young to understand...
i called jessie up and she comforted me
and just listened to me cry..
thank you jessie for being such a good friend.
and also to liping!
and thanks to all who sent condolence messages to me via sms!
i really do appreciate it.
i informed them that i would be skipping school the next day to go to the wake.
then the next day arrived.. 27/March/2008
i left the house at around 10++am.
it was a long ride there.
i took a bus, then the mrt, then the bus, then a cab..
finally, to ahma's house.
da-gu was there.
she brought me to ah gong to greet him first.
i greeted him and proceeded to look at ahma's body in the coffin.
ahma looked serene and peaceful.
but the first time i looked at her, i broke into sobs
and covered my face.
da-gu was standing beside me and called me, "乖"
i went to bow three times to ahma and sat down at the black couch.
er-gu came and hugged me and told me not to cry.
she told me a lot of comforting words.
i felt a lot better..
then i spent the day folding the silver and golden paper,
they were supposed to look like ingots. but in a different way.
then finally after a long time of folding,
shaoqi arrived.
he came to offer help to help me fold it.
jiaming and jiawei came soon after.
jiaming helped too..
later at night, we had our dinner.
and da-gu taught me to fold the more complicated ingots.
my mom turned up with my sis and bro at around 7.45?
we left at about 9pm for home.
then came the next day. 28/March/2008
i had to go to school. mom told me to.
i was constantly thinking of ahma
and a couple of times dropped tears in class.
i felt that it was a long day.
jessie and jielin went to the wake with me after school.
mom took the day off to fetch us to ahma's house.
we were supposed to have prayers at 3pm.
jessie and jielin left shortly after...
they also helped to fold some simple ingots too.
after that, at about 4.30,
the prayers started..
we wore some special clothings.
meant for the people related to the deceased.
i wore something close looking to my uniform.
just that it was long pants.
and a triangle hat.
and then there were a lot of noise and prayers.
i cried near the ending.
it ended at a late timing like 11pm+
before the ending, we had to ask ah ma to "cross the bridge"
i cried when i did so.
we also had to cross the bridge, a few times.
for the very last time we crossed the bridge,
we had to say, "Ah Ma, guo qiao"
really really sad.
ahma was gg to leave me forever.
but i know that she will be at someplace peaceful.
and there would no longer be pain..
all the priests and all family members headed down the long road.
as there was a big area where they could burn the paper house,
ingots (yuan bao), and car for ahma.
i intended to stay on that night but didn't.
and went home instead.
saturday. 30/March/2008
left for ahma's house via a shorter route this time.
i took 165 opp my sch to mount alvernia hospital,
transferred bus to 157 and then alighted at toh yi drive.
and took a cabby in to ahma's quiet bungalow, as it was really deep in..
some aunties of mine were already there eating their lunch.
i changed my attire to the white tee shirt. and pinned the white patch.
it was warm that day.
then i went to read my book on the small couch.
shortly after, i fell asleep.
cried every now and then...
then, i heard some noise,
the older cousins arrived..
then sis and bro arrived shortly after.
i sat there.
mom bought apple strudel for us to eat.
then soon..
dinner time again!
we seem to have fish for dinner every night.
of course with other food luh.
we had some prayers also.
then we stayed up till late.
as it was the last night,
all the aunties and uncles helped to take down the
many quilts sent by many well-wishers.
normally, we would only see 2-3 quilts from well-wishers.
but we received about 30 quilts.
i helped to tear a bit of the words out.
then folded the quilt.
i think some were being donated..
then also, i helped to take down the laminated A4 condolences message from all
the wreaths. there were about 40 wreaths bah.
we went to sleep at about 1.45am.
sunday morning. burial day. 31/march/2008
woke up at around 8am in the morning.
had breakfast. some bought by san-gu.
and didn't know what to do..
took good looks at ahma that few days.
after awhile.
we had to get specially dressed again.
this time, there were a lot of indian workers from ahgong's company who came.
and a lot of stuff happened.
i dunno how to explain...
we were told to see ahma's face for the very very very last time.
all the aunties cried hard.
i cried too..
and then we were told to take a break before leaving for the cemetery.
i went to rest at the two-seater couch.
and i broke down into sobs.
i couldn't take it anymore. i really felt sad.
i love ah ma so much.
ah quan came to comfort me and told me to control myself.
and do not let ahgong hear me cry.
if not he will be very sad...
i controlled myself but silently dropped tears.
after a while, we were supposed to kneel down directly outside the bungalow's gate.
the indian workers were gg to lift the coffin
and we were gg to head for the choa chu kang cemetery now.
and then we started to walk.
all the aunties cried again..
i started sobbing again.
till the part where we stopped at the community centre's entrance.
ahma's coffin was to be placed in the colourful lorry.
oldest uncle went in the lorry with ahma's coffin.
we went up the buses.
and took the long ride to choa chu kang.
ahma's spot was deep inside the cemetery.
i saw lots of people burning papers and stuff for the dead.
we did lots of stuff.
ahma was finally put to rest in the hole.
we left although the burial haven't finished.
we left for ahma's house.
i told myself to be strong..
and that ahma feels no pain now!
had lunch at ahma's house and then left for home shortly after.
when i reached home,
i slept as i was really tired.
till night...
i was still thinking of ahma..
today, i have slightly gotten over her death.
and want to get on with life.
but i will never forget the wonderful ahma i had in my life.
she is caring, devoted and friendly woman.
and will be blessed with an eternal life.
ahma, you will be remembered dearly forever.
i'm waiting for my aunties' news on when we can go visit
ah ma's tombstone together.
hope it is soon. i kinda miss my cousins.
hope to see them soon.
i love you ahma.
hello you,